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Ask Aeryn

Friendzone Disagreements

Anonymous:

While i do respect you I have to say I disagree with your friendzone statement. Friendzoning is more than a guy being nice to a girl only to get sex. Its also about girls saying they want nice boys, calling their guy friends “nice guys” and then continuing to date self centered assholes. This can be hurtful and confusing for the “nice guy” friend who may genuinely love the girl (As I did with my best friend). Also whats wrong with being nice & wanting sex? Better than being mean & expecting it!

I’m sorry but you are wrong, and probably suffering from a case of ‘niceguyism ™’. Perhaps you should realize your FRIENDSHIP is not a barter system (‘I keep being nice to you then eventually you give me sex, because I deserve it and have worked so hard and im niiiiceeee’)- it’s a friendship.
ONE YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR.
How dare your friend who YOU like, NOT like you? HOW DARE SHE???!?! YOU ARE SO NICE! WHY CANT SHE JUST SEE THAT AND FUCK YOU?!? Oh right, because she is a human being who has her own needs and wants- which don’t include fucking you, obviously. It’s not your place to judge her partners who aren’t you. And why isyour judgement of who is nice or good for her more valid than her own? Who is to say when push comes to shove you would be any better? You obviously, but her, and her other friends who may suffer from unrequited love towards her like you do? They’d probably think you where a jerk,  just because they are “nice guys” and want to be with her too. Also while we are talking about self centred assholes, it sounds like you might just be one.

People generally date who they like, who they are attracted too and who ever gives them whatever zyx they need. That is obviously not you so stop being bitter and resentful that she couldn’t see how much better for her you think you are, and being bitter you are just a friend and not a lover. Be greatful you HAVE friends, and if you are really her friend start respecting her choices, and stop thinking you know better that her when it comes to her personal and sex life.

I suggest reading the following comics and absorbing the message.

You kind of sound like he first guy in this comic: http://pandagon.blogsome.com/2008/02/07/the-guide-to-nice-guys-in-comic-form/

And this whole comic seems relevant: http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/nice_guy_ism_now_in_cartoon_form1

Love that isn’t returned ALWAYS sucks- for the person who is crushing and the person who is being crushed on. It’s sucky situation to be in, but putting an offensive term like “friendzoning” onto your friendship as if your friendship is somehow less, is disrespectful.

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